If that was your dad, he is hot
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
