I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
