life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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