I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
