onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
