I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
