His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
