i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
