I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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