Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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