So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
