Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
