I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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