This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize