Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
