We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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