Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
