We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
