my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
