The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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