Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
