great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
