I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
