he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
