I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
