The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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