The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
