lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
