it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
