First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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