Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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