Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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