I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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