So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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