Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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