the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
we're so committed to being not committed
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
