Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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