Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
