I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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