R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
