I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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