Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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