I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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