dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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