We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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