I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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