I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
