Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize