So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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