When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
