we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
