He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
