I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
