I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Randomize
