I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
