I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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