i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
