sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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