Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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