tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
