I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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