Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize