hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
