Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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