i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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