I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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