my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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