i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
