Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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