I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
