The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
