I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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