I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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