I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
