Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
