I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
