Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
