a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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