i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
